I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
