Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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