In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
