so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
