Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
