you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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