My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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