I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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