why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
