Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They took my balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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