Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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