just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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