Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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