I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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