my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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