I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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