Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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