then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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