Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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