The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
