btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
