found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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