last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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