Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
