Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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