Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
