Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
