mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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