Can i not drive my cunt home
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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