NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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