She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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