it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
