you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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