You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
