Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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