OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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