ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
