im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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