i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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