pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
