Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
