wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
