I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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