onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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