My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
