i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
