he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
