you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
