doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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