Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize