Got a toothbrush?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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