Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
