Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
