Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
