i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
whose parrot is this?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
