Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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