8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
