I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
