I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
