words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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