One girl and one boy is just not enough.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
