She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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