UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
