Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My balls are so social today.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
