I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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