sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
