wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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